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Catharsis

I woke up one morning with a heavy heart. I needed to purge…This is what came out.

This morning I had a dream that I was a young teenage boy in India, being held captive in a modern day slave labor camp. This was a first for me, actually BEING someone else in a dream. I’m usually either me or I’m an observer. So this particular dream packed a certain punch…Anyway, through cooperation, many of us worked together and were able to break free and run away. I remember the lady who was one level below me. She had a baby girl. They didn’t make it…So, we made it out of the camp and I ran for my life. My legs got so tired that I started running on my hands (somehow, I can do that in my dreams #shrug). When I felt comfortable enough, I hid in one of the abandoned shacks in the slums and waited for my breath to even. This is where I looked in the mirror and saw myself: a young, dirty, dark-brown teenage Indian boy with jet black hair. It was weird….One of the people that broke free with me found me, and he was accompanied by an old neighborhood friend (this friend was fortunate enough not to be one of the slaves in the camp). The friend said he knew a way for me to make some money so I could get back home to my family and that he wanted me to meet someone. He took me to a US Army base camp, where he was selling heroin to the soldiers. I instantly recognized the face of the man who was one of the captors back at the slave camp. I woke myself up before anything else could happen….As I was getting dressed for work, I wondered: Is this real? Is this boy’s spirit calling out to me?

I mentioned a few weeks back that I couldn’t remember my dreams anymore. This was the first dream I’ve had since then that I remember (and remember very clearly)….

In the car, I turned on my NPR (yanno, cause I’m grown now). They were speaking about 7 Black men who had been shot and killed in Miami over the last 8 months – all the murderers were Hispanic police officers, including some SWAT team members. So of course my Wild Seed ass starts getting all emotional. As I mourned the death of these Black men, I also mourned the lack of unity between Black and Brown people. Something that is so necessary today; it could change the world….It reminded me of when I was in middle school back in Phoenix, AZ of all places (btw: what in the holy FUCK is happening in Arizona? I used to be proud to tell people – in my Valley Girl voice – I was raised there. Now I just want them to fucking secede. Just leave us the cacti and gorgeous mountains and shit. But yall can keep the scorpios).  There was a lot of tension on the playground between the Black kids and the Latinos.  And I couldn’t imagine why we all didn’t just join together and go after the White kids, because they were the ones we really needed to be angry at….My proposed solution was reactive and maybe a bit immature…I realize now that it’s Eurocentric colonialist oppression and ideology that we need to attack, but for a 12 year old, I think I was on the right path, on my Nat Turner…Hearing about this news in Miami made me feel like just as much of a child as I was back at Estrella Jr High…We still haven’t gotten it together…

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. As I walked into work, my heart lifted slightly. I’m grateful to be a part of a university department that works to bring peace to all people of all nations (Kennesaw State U, Interdisciplinary Studies – Stand up!)….Spread love yall…We live in a very unloving world; we need as much love as possible.

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