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Lighthouses

lighthouses “Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” ~Anne Lamott

We are all here to heal and aid ourselves and each other. We are all healers. But I think some people are more naturally in tune with their healing power. Like a lighthouse aids boats to the shore, natural healers emit a powerful, peaceful, nurturing and healing energy that attracts others who need their care. They don’t (always) go searching for it; because of who they are and the power they possess, they are sought out. Of course doctors, therapists, artists, spiritual counselors and others fall into this realm. They have made a living harnessing the power of their healing natures. But in this case, I’m speaking of regular, everyday people that may be a cashier at Trader Joes, the secretary in the legal firm, or a single mom in grad school. Most often these particular people are sought out subconsciously. There is “something” about them that makes them good listeners, or great advice-givers, or just amazing huggers.

Wounded healers are some of the most effective people, because they are deeply familiar with the pain of loss, heartbreak, betrayal and other Life experiences. Wounded healers process their pain in a very particular way. They don’t ignore it, or shame it, or numb themselves to it by indulging in Spirit-less sex, drugs, unhealthy foods or other self-destructive behavior. Wounded healers allow themselves to feel the pain, understand it, honor it, then heal and move on. Forgiving, but not forgetting, so that they are able to then empathize with others that come to them when they are trying to process their own pain.

People say that like attracts like, that you attract who you are. But I believe that sometimes you attract who you’ve been or who you’d like to be. Sometimes part of the process of healing includes becoming closed off; emotionally distant. I believe this can be healthy if handled in the right way. Part of healing requires a bit of isolation, introspection, and lots of determined, focused, tunnel-visioned self-care. But after spending time being emotionally distant and unavailable, once you finally open up and begin to allow yourself to feel again, it becomes very likely that the Universe will send you someone who is in the same state of emotional unavailability that you just left. Sometimes it’s to show you how you looked to the outside world – out from amongst the trees so you can see the whole forest. And that exposure, that showing, that reflection of your former self through another, will be a test to determine how you handle receiving the energy that you once gave. Natural, wounded healers handle this by emitting that reinvigorated loving Light essence, encouraging and helping the other person to heal themselves, to see themselves, and to restore themselves.

Sometimes – if you’re not careful – it takes on the form of codependency. I constantly balance my natural healing energy with my very human need to be needed. I realized a long time ago, before I awakened to my natural healing power, that I sought out the wounded so I could try to “fix” my childhood issues. I couldn’t curb my mother’s 20 year drug addiction. I couldn’t make the “men” in my family who sexually assaulted me love me, protect me, and be the men that they were supposed to be – the big brothers I always wanted. I couldn’t fix any of that, so as a young adult, I looked for people to fix. And I gave it everything I could, pouring all the love that I should have been giving myself into people who had no intention – and at that time, no ability – to give it back. I really can’t remember what changed, when I changed. I’m sure it was a book that I read (I find healing in books – always). But I finally came to realize that that’s not the way to heal. Not yourself or others. That’s not what a lighthouse does. They generate the power within their tower, stand there and shine. Once I realized that, and worked on being a lighthouse, everything changed.

I am wounded. My only obligation is to heal my own wounds and try my best to minimize the potential wounds of my children. Or better yet, to make sure they know how to heal themselves when Life’s bricks come flying at their heads. It is not my job to seek out the wounded. My Light will attract the right people who are in need of it. It will advance their healing process, and their healing will heal me. Interdependently helping one another to understand the power and necessity of our self-generated light, we shine brighter.

Still, sometimes my light burns out. Sometimes I give until I am completely expended. It feels good. I know; I’m weird. But it does; especially in the moment. To be in total awareness of my healing power – something that changes lives, that makes a positive impact on someone who will in turn do the same for another – fills me. And, it’s a little bit of that need to be needed. But when I feel completely open and free to give of my heart, I feel like that’s when I’m most in touch with the Goddess within. Love is the only thing that heals. Period. But sometimes I don’t know when to stop, and I give of myself until I’m left exhausted and seemingly empty. Empty isn’t really the right word, because we are at all times always full of Life, Love and Light. But the feeling of emptiness is real. But I think that feeling happens to help us acknowledge that it’s time to stop and turn that healing inward. Give back to ourselves, restore ourselves with that same Life, Love and Light that we gave to others, so that we can turn right back around and do it again. Oftentimes, that exhaustion and empty feeling comes at the same time that the wounded person must move on to their next life experience. When their part in the lesson is over, folks break up, they stop being friends, or they just lose touch. The Universe always knows.

I think when those people leave us, it is a blessing. They have received everything they needed from their journey with you, and you have done the same. They will carry what you have given them and share it with other people, sometimes subconsciously, and you will do the same.  You will touch other people, other people will come into your life that need your specific brand of healing. It is your job to make sure you honor your highest self, and make sure they do the same for themselves AND for you. Knowing your worth is about being open and vulnerable, but not allowing them to take advantage of you. That doesn’t mean that people won’t make mistakes – because they will. We are all eternal beings in temporary human form. Mistakes are part of life. But you acknowledge them, reestablish your boundaries, and move forward. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Love is “loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” Carry on in love, and always turn toward your inner Light.

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